


When in Doubt, Fake Date

by Sleepless_in_Starbucks



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Bad Parents, Bad Parents in Person Being Jerkwads, Coming Out, Coming Out Dramatically, Emile Picani mentioned, Fake Dating, Food mention, Gen, Genderfluid Virgil, Glitter, Happy Ending, Homophobia, M/M, Misgendering, Roman's mentioned, Some Swearing, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, Trans Remy, Transphobia, because why not, both sides are fine in the end tho, but instead endgame qpr, deadnaming, deaf Patton, f/gg/t slur, it was done for the GAY DRAMA, joking threats, not endgame romance, nothing bad, puns, techincally non-con kissing?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-05
Updated: 2019-08-28
Packaged: 2020-08-10 02:14:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20127688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sleepless_in_Starbucks/pseuds/Sleepless_in_Starbucks
Summary: When Logan tries to come out as gay, his parents threaten his chance to get to collegeWhen Remy tries to come out as trans, his parents threaten to throw him out of the houseWith no where else to go, there is clearly only one option for the two friends: Fake date each other.





	1. Won't Be Long

“Remy. Remy, wake up.”

The man in question groaned before rolling over to glare at whoever was poking his shoulder. His roll sent him over the edge of his temporary bed, however, and he hit the ground with a thud.

Logan frowned. “You’re sick.”

Remy sat up, groaning as he rubbed his head. “No, just stupid.” He looked over at the couch he had been sleeping on, much smaller than his bed, and thus allowing for much less rolling over space. “And forgetful.”

“And probably sick.” Logan repeated, trying to feel Remy’s forehead. Remy jerked away. “You shouldn’t have been in the rain so long yesterday.”

“Yeah, well, I wasn’t going to go back home.” Remy replied, more snappy than he had intended.

Logan’s eyes softened slightly. “How well did you sleep last night anyways?”

Remy shrugged. “I did get to sleep. At some point.” Logan raised an eyebrow. “Might have been like three hours ago.”

Logan sighed before helping to pull him back onto the couch. “I shouldn’t have woken you. Try to get some actual rest.”

“Nice try, Lo. You wouldn’t have woken me in the first place if it wasn’t important. What’s happened?”

After hesitating for another moment, Logan let out another sigh and sat down in the nearest chair. “Have your parents contacted you yet?”

“Nope.” Remy answered immediately, not even needing to check his phone. Logan nodded slowly.

“Mine-” He stopped, hands twisting the fabric of the cat-covered nightgown Patton had lent him, his phone sitting on his knee as he stared at it. “Mine have.”

“And?” Remy prompted after Logan lapsed into silence once more.

Logan looked up from his phone to frown at Remy, looking defeated. “They said- they said they won’t send a faggot to college.”

Remy gripped the edge of the couch like he could strangle it. “What?!”

“Won’t send a faggot to college- they won’t pay for any of my tuition.” Logan responded, twisting the nightgown even more. “Even with a scholarship- I _ need _ the money, Remy, my studies-”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay.” Remy reassured, though he wasn’t sure how true his words were. He leaned forward to grab Logan’s shoulder, hoping to ground him. “Have… have you tried lying to them?”

Logan nodded regretfully. “I-I did. Told them I was confused, but… they said they want proof.”

“Proof?” Remy repeated, already fearing the answer.

“If I don’t have a- a girlfriend by the end of high school, they said they’ll disown me.” Logan answered.

“Bastards.” Remy said immediately, not even bothering to pretend to be apologetic when Logan cringed slightly. “I’m so sorry Lo.”

Logan just shook his head while he shrugged. “It’ll be fine. I’m sure I can get a part time job… somewhere. The library, maybe? And if I keep up with my studies I might get a good scholarship, which won’t cover everything, but it’s something…”

Remy frowned as Logan trailed off, lost in every thing he’d have to do to just simply exist. Then he smiled.

“I’ve got an easier solution.” He said, pulling Logan out of his thoughts. “Do what they want. Date a girl.”

Logan looked angrily at Remy. “What? I’d never do that. It would just be leading her on, not including my own personal reasons against it.”

“Then date me.” He responded, smiling slyly. “By any standards your parents will care about, I’m a girl.”

The anger in Logan’s gaze quickly turned into worried shock. “Remy- no, I couldn’t do that to you.”

“Do me what, a favor?” Remy asked, smile dropping a little. “My parents made it pretty clear I have no place in their household if I came back with anymore nonsense. Since I didn’t exactly get to my sexuality in the chaos that was last night, if I come back saying we’re dating and I was just being rebellious in worry they’d disprove of the relationship? They’ll buy it hook, line, and sinker.” Remy finished bitterly.

Logan looked down, again, at the phone in his lap. “I hate this.”

“I know.” Remy replied. “But you need that money, and I don’t have another house to go to.”

“Patton said his Dad’s agreed to let us stay here as long as we need.” Logan offered weakly.

“I can’t leave Virgil alone with them.” Remy said before smirking. “Besides, my little sibling needs some role models. Who better than some extremely queer con artists?”

Logan pursed his lips for a moment before smiling as well. “Alright. Only for the sake of inspiring young minds, though.”

“Suuuuure.”

“How long do you think we’ll have to pretend?” Logan inquired as Remy pulled back to lean on the couch.

“A few years, maybe?” Remy guessed. “Five at most. Then we can tell them to fuck off in the gayest way possible.”

“That’s a dollar for the swear jar!” Patton’s voice called out, sounding much too far away to have heard the cuss. Remy looked slightly bewilderedly at Logan.

“How did he…?”

Logan chuckled. “When it comes to swearing, Patton has hearing better than an elephant’s.”

“Clearly.” Remy agreed, laughing before he asked, once more serious, “So, you really willing to do this?”

Logan hesitated a moment before responding with a single nod. “It’s the best option.”

“And the funnest!” Remy added, reaching over to the coffee table to claim his sunglasses and slip them on, almost looking normal were it not for the fact his signature leather jacket was still drying somewhere else, replaced by a very fluffy pastel pink, yellow, and blue sweater (also borrowed from Patton). “Now I heard the Patton household has pancakes for breakfast on Saturdays?”

“Breakfast was an hour ago.” Logan informed him. “You seemed tired, so we didn’t want to wake you.”

Remy groaned, flopping even more onto the couch, about to complain when Patton practically teleported into the doorway, one hand fidgeting with one of his hearing aids.

“Did I hear someone say pancakes?” He asked, earning a startled turn around from Logan and a straight-up shriek from Remy.

“How do you do that?!” He demanded, met only with a giggle from Patton.

“I’ll make a fresh batch.” Patton responded, avoiding the question as he skipped into the kitchen, humming.

Remy shook his head and turned back towards Logan. “You sure your friend isn’t a superhero?”

Logan looked amused. “I’m afraid not. He only really hears what he deems important. He’s rather deaf, otherwise, even with the aids.”

“Now, now, Logan!” Patton tutted, turning from the oven for a moment. “No need to be so rude! I’m right h-e-a-r!”

Remy raised an eyebrow as Patton’s sentence cut off and his hands moved instead. “And the translator says…?”

Logan sighed loudly. “He spelt out the word ‘hear’ as in relation to hearing.” He told Remy.

“Ahhh.” Remy said, giving Patton a thumb’s up. “Nice one!”

“You’re encouraging him?” Logan asked, sounding a mix of disappointed and entertained. “That’s it. I want to break-up with you.”

“Aw, but Logan! We’ve only been together for five minutes!”

“I can see now we’re an awful match.” Logan responded, standing up surprisingly professionally, given he was in a kitten pajamas. “Goodbye forever.”

“Forever?” Remy repeated, turning to glance at Patton, who was giggling behind a hand over his mouth. “That seems a little unfair.”

Logan started to head out of the room. “I’m afraid it’s the way things must be.”

“I’m gonna stop him.” Remy mouthed at Patton, who just nodded approvingly as the sunglasses-clad man quietly got off the couch and grabbed Logan from behind, ignoring his undignified yelp as he carried him to the kitchen. He plopped him down on the first chair he saw, pushing it close enough to the table Logan couldn’t theoretically get out. Ignoring the fact he could just push away from the table.

Luckily, Logan seemed more in the mood to be simply miffed by his kidnapping, leaning his elbows on the table and resting his chin on his folded hands as Remy moved to the cabinets and started shuffling through them. “Is there a reason you brought me over here?”

“To win back your love, babes!” Remy responded, sounding more like himself as he spotted his target. “This whole fake-dating thing won’t work too well if you try and run away every time I approve of a pun.”

“If this relationship has so much as one more approved pun in it, they’ll never find your body.”

“Oh, wow, Logan, harsh.” Remy said over his shoulder as he closed the cupboards. “I _ jam _ disappointed in you.”

“What does-” Logan stopped as Remy turned back to face him, waving an unopened jar of Crofter’s. He then frowned. “Horrible pun. That’s jelly.”

Remy shrugged. “Close enough. But if you want me to withhold the Crofter’s until I can figure out a suitable jelly pun-”

Logan held a hand out in Remy’s direction. “Give it to me or I’ll come over there and take it from you.”

“Sugar, I think you have a serious problem.” Remy replied, though he still tossed the jar at Logan. Logan caught it with ease. “Is our fake relationship fixed now?”

“Get me a spoon.” Logan said instead of answering.

“I’m going to take that as a yes.” Remy commented as he did as he was ordered. He came back over to Logan, proffering the spoon to Logan only to yank it away at the last second. “You don’t get the spoon until I can come up with a jelly pun.”

In response, without breaking eye contact with Remy, Logan opened the jar of Crofter’s and drank half of it. Remy slowly placed the spoon on the table.

“You’re a monster.” He said after Logan took the spoon, going back to eating Crofter’s like a reasonable man.

“Remy!” Patton exclaimed, feigning a scandalized tone as he turned on the oven. “You can’t just say that to your boyfriend!”

Remy looked once more at Logan, who had smudges of jelly on the sides of his mouth. “When he does something like that I can.”

“You’re just jealous.” Logan responded, spoon half in his mouth.

“Don’t you mean_ jelly-ous _?” Remy asked, waggling his eyebrows.

Logan glared at Remy. “Do you want to breakup again?”

“Sure. I’m going for a record.”

Patton slid in at that moment, gently pushing Remy into his own chair as he set a plate of pancakes down in front of him. “Stop fighting and eat.”

“Bold of you to assume that I can’t do both at the same time.” Remy replied, though he accepted the utensils Patton passed him and started to dig in without another word. 

At least until Logan slyly reached forward and stole half the stack. Remy raised an eyebrow. “I thought you already ate?”

Logan smirked while he spread some Crofter’s onto his stolen stack. “It’s the fine for your awful puns.”

Remy rolled his eyes. “This plan is going to go horribly, isn’t it?”

“Probably.”

Smirking, Remy reached forward and grabbed one of Logan’s hands. “But we can watch it go horribly _ together _.” He cooed sarcastically.

Logan yanked his hand back. “You’re insufferable. Fake dating you is going to be the hardest thing I ever do.”

“Come now, hun- don’t be so dramatic.” Remy teased, waving his fork around. “Just think of this as an experiment. See how long it is physically possible for someone to suffer being with me.”

Logan thoughtfully chewed on one of his stolen pancakes before nodding. “Hypothesis: If we start faking dating, then we will continue fake dating until seven months, three days, and… twenty hours have elapsed. It shall be broken off when I reach my limit for utter stupidity and dramatics.”

Remy raised an eyebrow from behind his shades. “A very exact number.”

“It is the beginning of our first year at college.” Logan explained. “I expect by the time the end of high school and summer has gone by I will be thoroughly sick of you and will dump you for a metaphorical fresh start.”

“I bet you’ll either leave much sooner or much later.” Remy offered, tapping his chin in mocking thoughtfulness.

“Why’s that?”

Remy grinned. “Either you’ll find I’m even harder to deal with than you thought, or, the more likely option, you’ll find I’m actually irresistible and will want to stay with me forever.”

Logan snorted. “Excuse my unprofessional reaction, but the latter half of your hypothesis is… well, it’s rather absurd.”

“Good. That’s what I was going for. Or was it?” Remy added, slipping his sunglasses down his nose so he could wink at Logan. The other man just stared at him, unamused.

“You truly are impossible.”

Remy replied cockily while he pushed his sunglasses back in front of his eyes, “You don’t even know the half of it, sweetheart.”

Logan sighed. It was going to be a very long seven months, three days, and nineteen hours.


	2. Might Be Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Funny, how quickly a few months can become a few years.  
Funny, all the things that can happen in that time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clarification notes:  
Virgil goes by 'Vee' in this chapter. They changed their name to better reflect their genderfluidity during the gap.  
Vee's birthname/deadname was 'Charlotte'  
Remy's dead name was 'Alice (nickname: Allie)'

“Hey, Logan, darling, dearest, sweetheart, light-of-my-life, the Crofter’s to my toast-”

“Are you going somewhere with those disgusting nicknames?”

Remy smirked. “Just practicing for the party, love.”

Logan rolled his eyes. It had been three years, four months, two weeks, five days, and some amount of hours since he and Remy had started “dating” each other. His original plan to dump him at the beginning of the college year had been crushed by an off-handed comment from his parents about whether or not he was faking loving Remy just for their money too close to the planned dumping.

Those off-handed comments hadn’t stopped, and it had somehow led to this moment: Remy obnoxiously hanging upside down on  _ their _ couch, in  _ their _ apartment, while they both prepared (in their own ‘special’ ways) for Vee’s high school graduation party. Which they were going to  _ together _ . As a  _ couple _ .

Logan wasn’t sure which god he had angered, but they were very spiteful.

“We’ve survived enough social events with our families without having to be overly affectionate.” Logan replied over his shoulder, straightening his tie in the hall mirror. “Plus, I’m not sure I could hide my disgust if you actually attempted to call me one of those in public.”

“Now I’m going to do it just to annoy you.”

Logan turned to face his roommate with a sigh. “Are you ready to go?”

Remy gave Logan an upside down nod, kicking his legs off of the back of the couch. It seemed he had been trying to flip over in his seat, ending up with his feet perfectly placed on the floor, but he greatly overestimated his abilities and landed on the ground with a  _ thump _ instead.

Logan stifled a laugh as Remy scrambled back onto his feet, fixing his hair as he did so. “Did you honestly think that would work?”

“I didn’t really think about it at all, hun.” Remy admitted while he scooped up his well-loved leather jacket and slipped it on. “I’m honestly embarrassed you’ve yet to pick up on the fact that I rarely think about anything.”

“I can always hope.” Logan replied, heading towards the door when Remy looked sorted.

“Oh, and you wouldn’t happen to kn-”

Logan unhooked Remy’s aviators from his collar and tossed them at him, Remy catching them with ease. “You left them in the fridge when you put the spaghetti away.”

Remy sighed, mock-dreamily. “What would I do without you?”

“Perish.”

Remy raised his eyebrows as he slipped on his shades. “Logan Sanders, was that a meme you just referenced?”

“Technically the meme is ‘then perish’ after an ultimatum is proposed and will not be fulfilled by the responding party…” Logan trailed off when Remy’s smile only grew. “I hate you.”

“Sure you do.” Remy replied, pecking a kiss to Logan’s cheek before dramatically swinging open the door and bowing. “After you, meme lord.”

Logan scoffed before allowing himself to be ushered out of the apartment.

~~

Remy rung the doorbell, trying not to fidget too much as he waited for someone to answer. Logan tightened his grip on Remy’s arm, both protectively and soothingly, and Remy smiled gratefully at Logan.

Barely a moment later, the door opened to reveal a middle-aged woman smiling brightly.

“Alice! Logan! It’s so good to see you!” Mrs. Corll greeted cheerily, not noticing Remy’s slight flinch or the comforting squeeze Logan followed it with. She moved to the side, welcoming them into the house.

They managed to make themselves look like they actually wanted to be heading in, both mostly tuning out as Remy’s mother started to drone on about how long it’s been since she’s seen them. They scanned the crowd, looking for someone they’d actually like to talk to, when someone came up to them first.

“Logan! It really has been too long. And Alice, you are looking beautiful as always.”

Remy considered challenging the beautiful compliment- he had slept in the shirt and jeans he was currently wearing- but Logan got the first reaction in with, “Dad?”

Mr. Porter smiled, adjusting his thin, wiry glasses. “Of course! What, college stress have you forgetting your own father?”

_ I wish _ . Logan thought as he cleared his throat and answered. “No, I’m just surprised to see you here.”

Logan’s dad shrugged. “Margaret invited me, since she knew you’d be here. And, well, we’ve all been such close neighbors for so long, Charlotte feels like our daughter, too!”

Remy bristled at the thought, but he managed to sound pleasant as he responded neutrally, “Our families have lived near to each other for a while.”

Mr. Porter laughed, not picking up on the awkward phrasing. “It really shouldn’t have come as such a surprise that you ended up together. Speaking of- when’s the wedding? I’m afraid I didn’t get an invitation. You know what the mail system’s like!” He ended with another laugh.

Remy and Logan shared a confused glance. “Wedding…?” Remy asked.

Mr. Porter’s brow furrowed, the cheeriness in his smile dying slightly. “I just figured since you two have been together for so long, one of you would have popped the question by now.”

Logan fought down an awkward laugh. “With all our homework? Dad, we barely have time to sleep, much less to get married.”

“Oh, that’s true!” Mr. Porter replied, though his smile seemed fake. Before either party could attempt another line, Vee was pushing her way through the crowd to join them. She was hugging herself awkwardly, pale pink bracelet clearly displayed despite so few people there understanding its significance.

“Lo, R-Allie; I’ve been looking for you.” She said, shyly glancing at Mr. Porter. “Mind if I steal them? Wanna get all those college life hacks.”

“Anything for the graduation gal!” Mr. Porter replied. “Though, if you don’t mind, I have one last little thing I need to discuss with my son.”

Vee nodded. “That’s alright. When you two are done… discussing things, Lo, we’ll be down the hall. Come on, Allie.”

Remy obeyed after a quick kiss on Logan’s cheek and saying, quiet enough only Logan heard it, “Have fun with your dad,  _ dearest _ .”

Logan fondly rolled his eyes while Vee more or less yanked Remy away. Once they were out of earshot of Mr. Porter, Vee spoke up, “You two are so fucking gay.”

“That would be part of why we’re fake dating, Vee-”

“I know that.” Vee snapped back, mostly to Remy’s amusement. “I meant gay for each other.”

Remy chuckled. “Good to know me and Logan have  _ some _ acting chops if we’ve even got you fooled.”

Vee frowned. “I’m serious, Rem. It’s pretty clear this isn’t all an act.”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“How can you not?” Vee asked, slightly incredulous. “You two are practically always joined at the hip, even when no one around cares. The last time I was at your guys’ apartment, you spent ninety percent of the time wrapped around Logan or dramatically flopping into his lap. The last time I called you, the background argument you were having with him sounded so domestic I thought I had the wrong number.”

Remy raised an eyebrow. “You’ve been thinking about this way too much.”

“It’s what I’m good at.” Vee replied before continuing, “Rem, you can’t exactly say everything’s just an act for the cash grab.”   
“It’s all an act for the cash grab.” Remy said, grinning at his sister’s annoyance. “Come on, Vee. We’ve been living together for over two years, and I am obnoxious. Of course I’d take the act up a few notches. I’m just impressed Logan hasn’t bailed yet.”

Vee stopped walking, the two of them pausing at the entrance of the hallway. She leveled him with what could only be described as a Look. Remy sighed.

“Me and Lo started fake dating knowing it would always be  _ fake _ dating.” Remy said, actually serious as he took his sunglasses off and fiddled with them. “It’s not fair to him to have those conditions change, especially when we’re both still stuck doing this.”

“So you do like him.” Vee said, softly.

Remy shrugged helplessly. “Yes? No? Maybe? I think it’s pretty clear I don’t just see him as a friend at this point, but- I don’t know Vee. I’ve had crushes before. This is… different.”

“What are you going to do about it?”

Remy finger gunned Vee. “Absolutely nothing.”

“Remy-”

“I told you: This is fake dating.” Remy said, interrupting Vee. “That’s all it was, that’s all it is. I’m not going to push Logan into a corner with some random profession of love.”

The sibling’s held each other’s stares for a moment, neither backing down before Vee eventually looked away, sighing. 

“You’re too stubborn to change your mind.” She said, sounding both teasing and regretful before continuing down the hall, Remy happy to drop the subject and follow as he slipped his shades back on.

The hall was mostly empty, all the doors closed. The one leading to Vee’s room had a paper sign on it telling her she wasn’t allowed to hide for her graduation party. The windowsill at the end of the hallway was occupied by a boy roughly Vee’s age, unnaturally yellow hair obscuring the left side of his face.

“What took you so long?” He asked, sounding slightly petulant. “Someone almost tried to talk to me.”

Vee rolled her eyes. “Don’t lie- my family is  _ respectable _ , Di, haven’t you heard? They wouldn’t even glance at you.”

The boy raised a hand to his chest. “I’m insulted. I thought your dad liked me.”

“He thinks you’re sweet, but he’s also offered many times to cut your yellow hair off for you.” Vee replied, reaching out to flick the offending hair before her hand was lightly swatted away. “Either way, he’s probably busy dead naming someone; y’know, the usual.”

The boy’s brow furrowed, and as much as Remy assumed he’d love the rant that seemed to be coming, he cut in before the boy could speak by shoving his hand forward.

“Since no one seems to want to introduce me, I’ll do it myself. Remy, he/him, fake dating a nerd who’ll show up soon enough.”

The boy’s expression relaxed as he quickly shook Remy’s hand. “Dimitri, he/him, real dating your most lovely sister.” He said, sounding much more charming than he had a moment ago.

Vee rolled her eyes again, but she was smiling. “Dimitri is an utter buffoon.”

Dimitri moved one of his feet from where it was dangling to place it on Vee’s shoulder. “But I’m  _ your _ buffoon.”

Vee knocked the foot off, grinning a little while Dimitri snickered. “Damn gay.”

Remy laughed as well, risking a glance back down the hall, wondering where Logan was. He ignored the way Vee looked at him when he turned back, instead asking, “So, how’s life been? Anyone I need to beat up?”

“Dimitri does that now.” Vee replied, hefting herself up to lean on her boyfriend on the windowsill. “He’s mostly too scary for anyone to dare approach me, much less misgender me.”

“Aside from your parents.” He said, scowling. He glanced at Remy. “Full offense, dude. They  _ suck _ .”

Remy chuckled bitterly. “Trust me, I know. You’re welcome to beat them up if you want to.”

“Don’t tempt me.” Dimitri responded while Vee swapped their pink bracelet for a purple one. Dimitri noticed and frowned gently. “If they come in here with their she/her bullshit now, I just might.”

Vee patted Dimitri’s shoulder before leaning over and tucking themself even closer to him. “Don’t worry about it, Di. I’ll be out in a few weeks anyways.”

Dimitri seemed ready to go off about why that did not make anything alright, but the sound of footsteps behind them attracted the group’s attention. Remy smiled at first when he recognized it was Logan, but the smile faded when he saw how worried his fake boyfriend seemed.

“Uh, Dimitri, meet Logan, he/him. Logan meet Dimitri, he/him.” Remy said briskly as Logan came to stand beside him, seeming distracted. “You alright?”

Logan pressed his lips together before shaking his head. “We have a… situation.”

Remy turned more towards Logan, frowning in concern. “What is it?”

Logan didn’t respond, focusing his attention on the floor instead while his hands fidgeted.

Gently, Remy raised his hand to cup Logan’s face, forcing him to meet Remy’s eyes. “Logan, please.” He said, softly. “What’s wrong?”

Logan placed a hand over Remy’s, leaning slightly into the touch before sighing. “They… they want us to get married.”

“What?!” Vee and Dimitri immediately shouted in the background while Remy’s eyes widened.

“Why?”

“They still think we’re faking.” Logan replied with a harsh chuckle. “Of course  _ this _ would be the one thing my parents got right.”

Remy winced. “I assume none of our excuses worked?”

Logan shook his head. “I think I might have been able to trick my dad, but my mom came over after you and Vee left. They said if we did it this summer, school wouldn’t be in the way, that they’ll help pay for it, and that if we’re still not ready after three years we should just break up now.”

“Shit.” Remy swore, kicking his foot into the ground once. “So it’s, what, get married or be disowned?”

“Exactly.” Logan responded.

Remy cursed again. “Great. Just when you think you’ve got the game down, they go and flip it around…” Suddenly, Remy’s scowl turned into a smile. “Hey, Lo?”

Logan raised an eyebrow at Remy’s new expression. “The last time you smiled like that, it was right before asking me to fake date you.”

“This plan is equally spectacular.” Remy assured him, taking both of Logan’s hands in his and holding them close to his chest. “Logan Crofter’s Porter-”

“That’s not my middle name.”

“Shhhh you’re ruining this.” Remy replied, poking Logan’s shin with his foot. Logan shut his mouth in subdued annoyance. Remy cleared his throat and started again, “Logan Crofter’s Sanders, will you do me the honor of being disowned by our families together?”

“...What?!” Logan exclaimed after a moment. Even without looking over at them, Remy could tell Vee and Dimitri were treating him to the same judgmental stare Logan was now wearing.

“You’re supposed to say yes.”

“Remy we’ve been fake dating for over three years for the express purpose of not getting disowned!” Logan said, sounding very slightly hysterical. “I know you can be reckless, but this?”

“Think about it, Lo, really think about it.” Remy said, holding Logan’s hands tighter. “Our parents are literal shit. The only reason we didn’t want to be disowned is because I needed a house and you needed cash.”

“That is correct.” Logan conceded. “I still don’t see how-”

“And now, we have an apartment, so I’m not homeless.” Remy pressed on. “And because you refuse to let me buy anything fun, we have plenty of saved up cash, literally for the purpose of ‘back-up in case we get disowned anyways.’ You don’t need their money anymore. So, as I see it, the only two real options are to either get married to someone who’s life goal is to be a huge annoyance,” Remy paused to grin and add, “that’s me, by the way,  _ or _ you could utterly own your parents with how hella gay you are in front of, like, two dozen people.”

Logan didn’t respond straight away, worrying at his lip and looking thoughtful.

After what they deemed to be too much silence, Vee spoke up, “I mean, really Logan, I think you’d be quite the role model to young, impressionable minds if you stood up for yourself and your gayness.”

Dimitri nodded solemnly. “Very inspiring.”

Logan glanced between Vee and Dimitri, who were trying (but failing) to look very much in need of inspiration, and Remy, who wasn’t trying at all to hide the absolute ridiculous smile on his face.

“What’ll be, babes?” Remy asked. “Should I go find some tinfoil to twist into a ring?”

With a heavy sigh, Logan answered, “No.”

Remy’s grin grew. “Which means…?”

Another heavy sigh. “Yes, I will be disowned from my family.”

“ _ Andddddd? _ ”

Logan frowned. “I don’t-”

“And we’ll do it together!”

“You’re much too energetic about this.”

Remy chuckled. “Sugar, dramatically disowning my parents has been my dream since they left me to wallow in the rain for an hour over three years ago.”

Logan laughed a little, too. “I guess I should have known that, considering I had to talk you down from actually doing it at least three times.”

“You did not.”

“I did.”

“When?!”

Logan smiled fondly- a little too fondly, in Remy’s opinion, for a fake dating friend- before answering, “You were sick for a week after getting trapped in the rain, exactly like I predicted, and feverish. You would say and do the stupidest things and that was with me stopping over seventy-five percent of your ideas.”

Remy scoffed. “I refuse to believe that. I remember nothing of what you claim to be fact.”

“You don’t remember most of your feverish ideas.” Logan responded. “I should record you next time. You’re incredibly foolish. It’s amusing.”

“When am I not incredibly foolish?”

“I think you’d be surprised by how often you aren’t.” Logan said, almost tenderly. Remy more or less froze, having been ready to defend himself, not be complimented.

Vee coughed after a minute of awkward staring had gone by. They sounded amused as they said, “Would you two mind putting off the gay for after the disowning? At least then this party will be interesting.”

At Vee’s comment, Logan pulled away from Remy like his hands were fire, cheeks colouring. Normally Remy would have kept holding Logan’s hands, always happy to tease, but he was still occupied with processing the not-an-insult.

Dimitri chuckled. “That’s even gayer.”

“Remy, would it be agreeable with you to put off our disowning until the party is over?”

“Nooooo.” Vee whined, still looking much too amused. “Please get disowned during my party. Preferably before someone tries to talk to me.”

“Are you going to leave me and my fake boyfriend alone?” Remy followed up, crossing his arms.

“I don’t know about  _ fake _ boyfriend…” Vee said, trailing off when they were met with twin glares. “Fine, fine, I’ll stop. Will you get disowned now?”

“Not quite yet.” Remy said. Vee groaned in response and Remy continued, “We need a plan, first! I want this to be very dramatic and very gay!”

“And what do you suggest?” Logan asked, sounding mostly uninterested but a touch curious.

Remy tapped his chin in thought before glancing at Vee with a smile. “You don’t get jealous easily, right?”

“I guess not- why?” Vee asked, confused.

Remy turned to Dimitri. “You’re chill with kissing a non-Vee person once, yeah?”

Dimitri smirked, looking intrigued. “If it’s for a gay cause.”

With a grin, Remy turned to Logan. “Logan-”

“I’m not kissing Dimitri.”

“But it’ll be the most exciting way to come out! Very gay! Very scandalous!”

“Not happening.”

Remy huffed. “You’re no fun. But fiiiiine. We won’t go with my third best plan of all time.” He crossed his arms. “So what do we do instead?”

“Tell them simply in a reasonable manner?” Logan suggested. Remy immediately scoffed.

“Dull. Uninspired. Doesn’t reflect my personality.”

“If I may suggest,” Dimitri said slowly, continuing when neither fake dater objected, “that plan, but with glitter?”

“That would be fabulous!” Remy agreed. “Y’know. If we had any glitter.”

Dimitri put a hand in his pocket, pulling it out to reveal a small pile of glitter on the palm of his hand, shifting and falling through his fingers. “I may be able to help with that.”

Logan frowned. “Why do you have glitter in your pockets?”

“I have an extremely gay and extremely dramatic friend who has a tendency to randomly burst into every room he enters in an explosion of glitter. I started carrying my own to blow into his face after he did that.”

Remy glanced at Vee. “May I assume that’s when you knew he was the one?”

“Yep.” Vee replied shamelessly. “Greatest thing I ever did see was Princey spluttering halfway through his dramatic declaration.”

“So, to clarify, are you suggesting we come out to our parents and then blow glitter in their faces?” Logan asked.

“I guess you guys could.” Dimitri admitted, looking at the pile in his hand. “I thought it might be more fun to drop it on your parents’ heads after you come out.”

“I like that plan.” Remy agreed. He glanced at Logan. “Do you have any other objections to fun?”

“Kissing Dimitri is not my idea of fun.” Logan replied, ignoring Dimitri as he dramatically grasped at his chest. “But that idea? I will admit it has a certain… allure to it.”

Remy fist pumped through the air. “The nerd is onboard!”

“Must you always call me that?”

“You’re stuck with any and all of my cutesy, couple nicknames for at least another half an hour,  _ angel _ .” Remy responded. Logan’s cheeks immediately coloured, and Remy was both satisfied and possibly a little blushy himself knowing he had caused that.

“I think you mean annoying nicknames.” Logan countered, but there was no heat in his words as he looked away from Remy. Remy ended up doing the same, only to find both Vee and Dimitri smirking at him. He made a throat slashing motion at them. This seemed to only increase their amusement.

Remy cleared his throat, much louder than necessary, before continuing like none of that had happened, “Alright! We’ve got our plan down! When should we enact it?”

“Right now.” Vee replied, motioning towards the end of the hall. “The quicker you go the quicker this party is over.”

“You know you’ll have to come brave the crowd with us, right?”

“No I don’t.” Vee crossed their arms and furrowed deeper into Dimitri’s side. “I might have to look at people and that’s not a sacrifice I will make for you Remy.”

“I can feel the love.” Remy deadpanned. “But, if you won’t do it for me, would you do it for the chance to drop glitter on our parents’ sucky, sucky heads?”

Vee sat in thought for a moment before nodding. “Alright. But only for that.”

Dimitri grinned and dug into his pockets, pulling out more glitter to dump into Vee’s hands while Remy turned to Logan. “You sure you’re ready to do this?” He asked, quietly, so that Dimitri and Vee wouldn’t hear.

Logan sucked in a breath, letting it out slowly before nodding. “Yes.”

Remy frowned. “Really, Lo, we don’t have to do this now if you don’t want-”

“No, no, I… I want to do this.” Logan assured him, smiling a little sheepishly at Remy. “It just feels… odd. For so many years of scheming to end so suddenly.”

“We both knew it would eventually.” Remy replied. “Unless you really were planning on marrying me.”

“Still.” Logan said wistfully. “I think I might miss the games.”

Remy smirked, but it was much softer than it should have been. “Logan, are you saying you actually enjoyed fake dating me?”

“Definitely not.” He said too fast, following it immediately with a single laugh. “Oh, no, you’re still a nuisance. Messing with our parents was enjoyable despite you, however.”

“I’m sure that’s all it was.” Remy teased, even though his voice caught halfway through, which Remy thought was just odd. That  _ was _ all it had been. Logan may be his tentative friend due to unfortunate circumstances, but that was it. And he had known that all along.

So why should it be so hard to say that?

“Okay gays, you two ready to go?”

Remy glared at Vee.

“What, am I not even allowed to state facts anymore?” Vee asked before wiggling their eyebrows. “I mean, what could make you so on-guard about this fact, perhaps some denied feelings-”

“And we’re going to go end the party!” Remy interrupted, Vee snickering as they were shut up.

He rolled his eyes at his mess of a sibling and turned back to Logan. “Ready?”

“Yes.” Logan answered. Remy nodded and started heading towards the party, only a few steps down the hall before he felt Logan’s hand attach around his wrist.

Raising an eyebrow, Remy kept moving as he glanced at Logan and asked playfully, “Aw, still want to hold my hand?”

“I am not holding your hand. I am holding your wrist.” Logan replied factually, straightening his glasses with his free hand. “It is for… stability.”

“Whatever you say, sweetheart.” Remy ignored the clearly unexplainable urge he suddenly had to twist his own hand to hold Logan’s.

It didn’t take long for them to locate their parents, the four of them all grouped together near the center of the living room, chatting happily. Mr. Porter noticed them approaching, waving them over to join the circle while also drawing the attention of the other adults.

Mr. Corll smiled. “How have you been enjoying being the life of the party, Char?”

“Oh, it’s been just super.” Vee responded, sarcasm dripping off their tone. Mr. Corll just laughed.

“You can pretend to hate it now, but I’m sure you’ll be singing a different tune at college.” He said. “Though I would hope your sister and her boyfriend have been upselling the studious aspect of college instead.”

“I have.” Logan answered, giving Remy a moment to fume before he’d have to speak. “My partner, on the other hand…”

Remy forced a smile. “What can I say? I’ve never been one to study.”

“Well, at least you snagged a breadwinner of a husband, then.” Mrs. Corll joked.

“Give credit to Logan, too.” Mrs. Porter spoke up. “He snagged a beautiful wife.”

“Remy is attractive, yes.” Logan confirmed, the hand he had around Remy’s wrist slipping into his grasp. He gave Remy’s hand a little squeeze.

“...Remy?” Mrs. Corll repeated after a pause, the other parents looking as confused as she was. “Is that a nickname she goes by at college, or…?”

“No.” Remy said, squeezing Logan’s hand back as he steeled himself to continue, “That’s my name.”

“And what’s wrong with Alice?” Mr. Corll demanded.

“It’s a girl’s name. And… and I’m a boy.” Remy finished, flinching internally at the adults’ horrified and skeptical stares, even though he had known they were coming. “You already know this.”

“Wait, you- you can’t be talking about the night before you told us you and Logan were dating.” Mrs. Corll said, disbelieving. “I thought we got over this, Alice. You were just worried about telling us about Lo and you, remember?”

“He does remember.” Logan said. “As do I. However, considering we only began ‘dating’ the same day we informed you as such, I find it doubtful to have caused Remy to falsely come out.” He glanced at his parents, expression set in an irritated frown. “And the same applies to me.”

Mr. Porter crossed his arms. “We’ve discussed this, Logan. You’re not a fagg-”

“You’re right, he isn’t.” Remy cut in fiercely. “He’s just gay. As am I.”

Vee and Dimitri dropped a handful of glitter over each parents’ head, quickly moving to hide in the crowd as the adults coughed when some of the glitter got into their noses. Mrs. Porter recovered first, bristling as she said, “You can’t be gay- you’re dating Al-”

“You guys really don’t pick up on this fast, do you?” Remy said, frustrated. “I’m a dude, he’s a dude,” Remy raised his hand, the one still holding Logan’s, “we’re dating. That’s gay. We’re gay. It’s a surprisingly simple concept, babes.”

With all the parents now looking offended, Mr. Corll raised a finger and pointed towards the door. “Get out of our house.” He ordered.

“And don’t come back for  _ anything _ from us.” Mrs. Porter added with a glare at Logan.

“We wouldn’t if we could.” Logan replied, glaring back as he and Remy headed for the door. Logan stopped when they were about to leave the living room, however. Remy raised an eyebrow, about to ask what was up, when Logan suddenly let go of his hand, marched back into the living room, pulled Dimitri out of the crowd and kissed him like there was no tomorrow.

Vee threw more glitter over the shocked parents. Remy wolf-whistled. Most of the guests looked away, scandalized.

Logan pulled away after a minute, whispering, “That meant nothing,” before turning on his heel and running towards the door, shouts behind him as he grabbed Remy’s hand more on instinct than anything and pulled him out the door.

Dimitri was left smirking like a madman. He turned towards the parents, who looked completely appalled.

“I’m going to take a guess and say he really is gay.” Dimitri offered. Vee snorted and shook their head from where they were still standing behind their glitter-covered parents. Outside, the sound of a car starting up and speeding off muffled the sounds of loud laughter from within the vehicle.

~~

Remy leaned against the front door, shutting it as he slid down it, laughing like a fool on the floor. Logan walked in ahead of him, having finished his own chuckling but still looking extremely satisfied with himself.

“I still can’t believe you actually did it.” Remy said in between laughs, the look of utter horror on his and Logan’s parents’ faces one he would treasure forever. “Oh, that was magnificent!”

“It was childish, is what it is, to prove a point in such a way.” Logan replied, but he was smirking when he looked back at Remy. “Though I do admit, I took an equally childish sense of pride in how off-put they were by my actions.”

“As you should!” Remy responded, laughter dying off as he (mostly) got a hold of himself. “That was, like, the best thing you have ever done, hun.”

“The best thing was not dating you?” Logan asked, teasingly, though there was a serious tone underneath.

Remy pushed himself off the floor, standing up as he frowned, a touch embarrassed. “Yeah, sorry about saying that. I know part of the confrontation was finally admitting we were just fake dating, but I got kinda caught up in the moment…”

“No, that was quite alright, Remy.” Now it was Logan’s turn to look self-conscious. “I actually wanted to talk to you about what we do now.”

“How do you mean?”

Logan clasped his hands together. “Now that we have come out, and are financially stable, we have no need to continue with this ruse of dating. However…”

“Yes?” Remy prompted as Logan trailed off.

Logan looked away for a moment before nodding to himself, turning back towards Remy and taking a step forward. He reached out, gently taking both of Remy’s hands in his own.

“Remy, I am not in love with you. Not romantically. But I do care deeply for you, a fact that has only been made more aware to me the longer we have spent together.” Logan swallowed heavily. “Even if we have spent the last three years together under false pretenses put on for the sake of others, it does not change the fact that I have enjoyed most every moment with you, and I-I do not wish for them to end simply because we no longer have a need for them.”

“Whatcha tryin’ to say, specs?” Remy asked, his voice a strangled mix between teasing and hoping.

“I… I don’t have a name for this. Or for u-us.” Logan admitted slowly. “But I think… I think partners might be nice. So I guess what I’m trying to say is… Remy, would you like to be my partner?” He cringed immediately after saying that. “I apologize, I am not well-versed in-in any of this, but-”

“It’s alright, Logan.” Remy said, stopping Logan from tripping over more words. He chuckled softly. “I, uh, I feel the same. I’d  _ love _ to be your partner.”

Logan’s nervous frown broke into a small smile, looking like some dorky angel in Remy’s extremely right opinion, and Remy was sure that he was grinning like a fool himself, because haven’t you heard? He was Logan Porter’s  _ partner _ .

They remained like that, just staring at each other until Remy deemed it much too sappy and he carelessly murdered the moment by saying, “And, Lo, as your partner, I have to ask for you to respect my sibling and not go after their boyfriend, despite your obvious chemistry with him-”

“I take everything back.” Logan said, letting go of Remy’s hands so he could retreat from his presence. “You’re an ass.”

“ _ Your _ ass now, lover boy.” Remy replied, taking chase after Logan when his partner attempted to flee. The chase lasted five minutes and involved a lot of random things being thrown at him, but it still ended with him latching onto a protesting Logan from behind and hefting him over to the couch, so he was very clearly the winner.

“You’re a buffoon, a fool, an idiot, and crazy.” Logan complained while Remy wrapped him in a copious amount of blankets, making him into a trapped burrito.

“Mmhmm.” Remy hummed in agreement. “And you’re the cutest couch burrito there ever was, sugar-pie.”

“And now you’re being purposefully annoying.” Logan added with a huff.

“That’s, like, ninety percent of what you signed up for, hun.” Remy responded, grabbing the remote and flipping to the first channel playing a movie. He then flopped onto Logan’s bundled up lap, snuggling his head against Logan’s chest while he let his legs hang over the edge of the couch. “And now you’re stuck with it forever.”

“You are, as they say, the absolute worst.” Logan said, though he didn’t even sound close to annoyed. Instead, he sighed, relaxing in the blanket pile and leaning his head down a bit to press a little kiss to Remy’s forehead. “And my partner.”

“Y’know it, babes.” Remy replied, sounding much too happy for his normally cool disposition and not even caring a little. He had gotten the immense satisfaction of coming out to his parents in a literal flurry of glitter, and yet the best part of his day, of his year, of his  _ life _ was pretending to grumble about movie inaccuracies right next to him.

Remy had never been happier.

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr: https://sleepless-in-starbucks.tumblr.com/


End file.
